You might ask why does being creative scare me and I might say why shouldn’t it? It scares me because whenever I write, I’m sharing a part of me. To offer out a part of me to the world is scary. What if you don’t like me? What if I sound dumb? What if…….what if……what if……what if?
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I used to let that fear stop me from sharing my writing. I’ve always known that writing was something that I wanted to do and yet the sharing of that writing was something that I struggled with for years. I was that kid who was screaming on the inside, “Look at me! Listen! I’ve got something to say!” But as soon as someone looked at me, I ran and hid.
I did the same thing with my writing. I wanted people to read what I wrote, but then as soon as they did, I was running to hide. And it didn’t matter whether the other person was giving me criticism or praise. The attention is what made me run. In school, it was just as bad. I wanted those A’s on my papers, but I didn’t want the teacher to call it out–or worse– ask me to read my paper to the class. Who wants to be that vulnerable in school?
All of which means that writing became my “underground” thing. I wrote in notebooks and I wrote morning pages and I wrote in diaries, but I wasn’t really doing what I wanted to do. I hid my writing so well that in 2013, my husband didn’t know that I ever wanted to be a writer and we’d been together for 5 years. So, how do I get from 2013, where even my husband doesn’t know that I want to write, to have this blog with 270 posts?
Time to Move Past Fear
When I realized that my husband didn’t even know anything about my desire to write, it really hit home. He was the one person that I shared everything with and yet, I didn’t share this one secret. And then, I found a saying from Karen Lamb, “A year from now, you’ll wish you started today.” That really hit me. I was 52 years old and I’d spent my life always putting off doing what I wanted to do. And considering that even if I live to be 100 years old, at 52, I had fewer years to live than I had already lived, I realized that if I was ever going to do something, it was time to start doing it.
So I started. It wasn’t easy then and it’s not much easier now. I’ve been reminded a lot that nothing you truly want is ever easy. Each time I schedule a post, I confront that fear all over again. I know that now that I’ve started, I don’t have any intentions of stopping, but that doesn’t mean the fear doesn’t creep back in. I look at that saying from time to time to inspire me and keep me on track.
What are you putting off? The time to start is now. Because a year from now…..you will regret not starting.
I’m reading about me! Each time I publish a post I ask myself why am I doing this? Who will read it? I hear you and totally found myself nodding as I read through your post. Keep writing! I love that quote and it is so true it is saying Don’t put it off start today and take a chance on yourself.
Thank you. It’s always good to know that other people feel the same way I do.
I hear you and couldn’t agree more.
Whoops! Hit send too soon! I often feel that way about my writing. I have so much I’d love to write, but fear of putting it “out there” stops me. What will people think? Will it offend? Will it hurt someone’s feelings if I’m honest about this or that? (Note: Read Leanne’s post on Cresting the Hill) I know I have to learn to get over that and just be brave enough to say what I want to say and be honest about it. Easier said than done, but if I’m going to call myself a writer, that’s what has to happen. Great post.
Thanks for stopping by Lisa. It’s not always easy to say/write what we need to express, but it needs to be done. So write, we must and that means you too!
It is SO difficult putting yourself out there. I think it is brave to spill and hit publish. I am glad you write.
I’m glad you write, too!
You seem to have voiced the fear most creatives have but maybe don’t like to admit or even think about. There was a time when I wanted to be completely anonymous but I’m glad now that I didn’t go down that road. But you are right, it is hard putting ourselves out there – but do keep it up, I know I’m not always here but when I am, I LOVE reading your posts. I delete tons of cr**p from my inbox when it all gets too much but never yours! Some day, I will read ALL of them when other (older) people don’t need me they way they do now.
Gilly, I’m so glad I found you in this blogging world. I am honored to know that you don’t delete me! It is actually one of those things that I needed to hear this week and that truly inspires me. Now let’s both keep creating.
Love that saying about wishing how we started a year ago. So true. And I believe, creativity does take courage, but can’t imagine life without it. Fear of regret always surpasses the fear of doing.
Comment 2…I am going to pin that quote.
Hardly anything comes easy. We prepare for it and do it and dot. Lather rinse repeat. That’s the trick of it.
Jennifer, You just put in a nutshell the angst of being a writer or any artist. There’s the need to express yourself coupled with the fear of being judged. That’s the constant tension brewing under the surface.
We writers/artists are just so complicated.
So, yes. A year from now you’ll wish you had started today–such a great point. The year is going to pass anyway, so we need to make it count for us. Great post!
Now, anytime I start putting off a project that I really want to do, I think of that phrase.
I think it’s something we all deal with Jennifer – I am constantly surprised that people (and even my friends) read my stuff and like it – so glad you started and have no intention of stopping x
Thank you.
It is definitely a risk to not only be real in your writing but share it. Sometimes I wonder which is harder; sharing with loved ones you are close to or with strangers in the blogosphere. At any rate, some will ‘get’ you and some won’t but and that is okay. For me having some age to back me up has made it easier to write and not worry about how it is received. I need to be creative, it is not an optional life activity for me. Glad you took a chance Jennifer and shared yourself with us.
I like your writings :), not exactly a ringing endorsement I know. Completely understand what you are saying though we are all our worst critics.
I consider an endorsement from the Skipah a ringing one
Those are wise words. And I have always been very similar in not being comfortable with the attention that may come with achievements. Even as a little child. My dad is fond of telling the story of my race in sports day when I was 6 or 7, which u was winning easily. But then glanced bank, realised I was winning and stopped until a couple of kids overtook me. I recall it – I realised I was going to get attention for winning and didn’t want to be looked at so let someone else take it. (Child logic – I didn’t think about the attention I woukd get for stopping mid race to let someone else win!)
Yes! The very act of hiding brought more attention to me than just introducing myself.
I’m so glad you have continued to write!!
Thank you! That makes me feel all warm and fuzzy!