It’s all about mirrors in the second chapter in Cheryl Richardson’s book, The Art of Extreme Self-Care. Learning how to love yourself, which is not always the easiest thing to do. Instead, we tend to shoot ourselves down with horrible self-talk. I’m lazy, I’m ugly, I can’t write or love or find happiness or…We need to learn to stop that and start loving ourselves. Are you ready to love you?
The practice for this month seems so easy. But it’s actually very difficult. It’s time to look yourself in the mirror and say, I love you. Yes. To yourself. Look yourself in the eyes and say it.
It will feel awkward. But that’s ok. In the attached calendar I only have you doing it once on the first day of the month, but you’ll notice that on Sundays I have it listed in increments of 10. And on the last day of the month, you need to look yourself in the mirror and keep repeating it until you believe it. I don’t have it listed every day, but I want you to practice it every day. In fact, anytime you find yourself looking in a mirror, then say, I love you. But you need to look yourself in the eyes, look into your soul and say it.
It’s going to be so hard at first because we need practice at loving ourselves. You might notice your flaws when you first start doing it. Those wrinkles or anything you don’t like about the way you look. But keep going. In The Art of Extreme Self-Care, Cheryl Richardson talks about going through all of those thoughts herself. Even a Life Coach like Cheryl Richardson found this practice awkward, so you know you will too. But practice it anyway. Eventually, Cheryl was able to move past her looks and after a week noticed that the critical thoughts were fading into the background as she connected with her soul.
You’ll notice that the calendar doesn’t just include saying I love you each day, although you should practice it each day. But I also filled the calendar with other things that will hopefully teach you to continue loving yourself. They include things like buying yourself flowers on Valentine’s Day, making a list of what you like about yourself, writing a thank you note to you, and even wearing that outfit that you’ve been saving for a special day.
That last one is something that I think is important for us to do. Don’t save the perfect dress or the perfect table setting for “someday.” It might not come. I remember reading a story of a man who was going through his wife’s things after she died and he found the outfit that she was saving for a “special day.” He knew that she never meant it to be the clothing that she’d be wearing to her grave, but that’s exactly what it became. He truly regretted that she never thought herself special enough to wear the outfit while she was living.
That story stayed with me. Especially because I read it as my first marriage was falling apart and I noticed it was something that I was doing. When I got married to my first husband we received a special gift of Irish linen from friends of my parents. When I got divorced, I realized that I only used that set of linen once in the 15 years we were together. Once. It made me sad to realize that only once in 15 years did I think any dinner was special enough to use the linen. I looked around and saw other things that I kept saving for special events and knew that I was going to change that pattern.
My husband and I use the “good” silver to eat from each day. We use the plates that my mother only brought out at Thanksgiving and Easter. And I drink my wine from the fancy crystal goblets that I got for my first wedding. Why? Because I’m worth it.
The best way to use the calendar is to read all of the items first. Find out where you might need to make plans in advance like getting decorations ready or making appointments. Below is the calendar and here is a link to the February Calendar of Love.
And a Pin to save this for later.
Jennifer, the link to the calendar doesn’t seem to be working… I do want to look at it in more detail. Pat
Oops. I think I’ve fixed it. Please let me know if you experience any more issues with it.
Jennifer – Yes, it’s fixed. Visiting again from #MLSTL.
I was startled last night when a friend suggested I “look in the mirror, look into your own eyes. And say “I Love You” every day. Do it for for a while, until you do love yourself!” When something like this happens – two almost exact messages in 2 days, I think the Universe is telling me something!
All such excellent advice… we should all follow it.
Wise words that we all should follow. “Use the fancy dishes” is what I like to say! One of these years I really want to go to one of Cheryl Richardson’s retreats.
Yes. Seeing her in person would be fun.
Excellent advice. I buy myself flowers weekly- it’s not that my husband is thoughtless but I enjoy picking what I like and certain flowers set off my hay fever so I know what to avoid. It’s only something I’ve done recently since moving house last summer though ?
I’m so glad that you buy yourself flowers. I do it for myself as well. Sometimes my husband does it, but I like to pick what matches my mood.
I know that story of the widower, and it has stuck with me over the years, too. I haven’t gotten completely to the point where I no longer need to remember it, but your calendar is a great resource of ideas! (And the comment above from Linda Hobden reminds me that it’s awhile since I bought myself flowers…)
Yes! Buy yourself some flowers, you deserve it.
Jennifer, So great. I love Cheryl Richardson and will have to get this book. Thank you for the reminder.
Go for it!
I always work at removing negative self-talk from my vernacular. It creeps in and I start over without making myself feel guilty about anything.
That’s great, Trudy. If you do this monthly exercise you’ll also counter it by adding in positive self talk.
Since moving to Germany, we use the “special” china frequently and eat off the “good plates” everyday. We are worth it and try to live in the here and now as much possible.
I think practising loving yourself is quite hard actually! I am trying to be kinder to myself this year though. I’m my own worst critic.
Love the calendar, Jennifer. The item that struck me the most was the looking in the mirror and saying, “I am enough.” This is something I constantly work on especially now that I’m retired and don’t have a career as a ‘crutch’ for my self esteem. Oh, and I also need to schedule a massage asap! #MLSTL
Get that massage, Molly! And you are enough. ?
I get a bit weirded out saying “I love you” to myself – all that childhood training about not being vain and not being up yourself etc gets in the way. I think I’ll need to try it now and then though – to get used to the idea.
Thanks for linking up to MLSTL and I’ve shared on my SM ?
PS – I couldn’t get the link to work either.
I really liked the last bit about putting things off for a special occasion. No day but today.
Hi Jennifer, I hope you have settled into your new home and thank you for joining us at #MLSTL. Yes, it does feel uncomfortable looking in the mirror and telling ourselves we love ourself. However, Self-love is so important and something that was not encouraged in the past. I’m looking forward to followng your calendar in February. Have a great week!
Hi Jennifer, I enjoyed reading your post and have pinned it and printed out the February calendar. I am going to try this for the month and see how I go! Thanks very much for the encouragement. Hope the move went well and you’re going OK. #mlstl
As you obviously know, Jennifer, self-love is so important. I am committing the the mirror practice. I have started a habit of deep breathing and a quick assessment of how I feel each time I wash my hands. Most times when I’m hand-washing, I’m in front of a mirror, so I’ll start my practice with an I love you. I’ll also take a look at the calendar for other suggestions. Thank you for this. #MLSTL
This is exactly how I’m trying to live….nothing is more special than today.
It’s funny you talk about Cheryl’s book. We are going to read Walking through Winter (at least that’s what I think it’s called…I just finished it and can’t remember for sure…ugh) for our Forever Fierce book club the end of Feb. You should join us. I think you’d like this book of hers too!!
XOXO
Jodie
http://www.jtouchofstyle.com
That’s so funny…I’m already reading it and I love reading her side of the story. If we’re all unpacked and I have extra time again then I will join you.
Thanks for another great post!
My self talk is awful at times. I sometimes thought that “self love” was kind of narcissistic, but I can beat myself up worse than anyone, unfortunately. So I’m learning about this a little later in life!
I understand because I used to feel the same way too. But this isn’t about creating a big ego it’s about supporting yourself.