Stuck in a rut doing the same thing each day? Want to have an adventure but you have obligations? Kids still in school? Caring for aging parents? Or sandwiched in between caring for both? Having obligations doesn’t mean you can’t live your life. Learn how to change your life when you have obligations.
First, recognize that there is a season. Yes, I know I’m quoting a Bible verse. I’m also quoting Turn, Turn, Turn as written by Peter Seeger and sung by the Byrds!
But the point is that if you have children or are taking care of aging parents, then it just might be the season to do that. It doesn’t mean that you can’t still try new things but it does mean that maybe some things are not for right now, but for later.
Now’s not the right time to plan a solo 6-month thru-hike on the Appalachian Trail. But it can be the right time to plan hiking or camping trips with your kids. And sure, you’ve heard of other people who pack up their kids and home-school them while RVing across the country or traveling the world. But that doesn’t mean you have to.
If you can, or even want to do that, then great. Do it. But if that’s not feasible for you. Or if you want your children to be able to participate in soccer teams or ballet classes and have sleepovers with their best friends, then it’s time to think of other things. Below are some suggestions.
Adapt to the Situation
Yes, you have obligations, but it doesn’t mean you have to get stuck in a rut of just caring for your children and/or parents, working, rinsing, and repeating. Where are you in all of that? Where is your self-care?
Yes, self-care is usually seen as pampering yourself with facials, massages, etc. But self-care is also about feeding your passion. If your dream was to spend 6 months at a writer’s colony while you get that novel out of your system, now is not the time. But you can adapt your dream to fit the situation.
If you have an extra room in the house you can create your own writer’s retreat. You can even work out an agreement with your spouse that one weekend a month, each of you takes the kids out of the house somewhere while the other gets to spend the whole day working on their project. Or leave the spouse and children at home while you go to the coffee shop or a co-work space to work on your novel.
Adapting is taking a look at your dream and determining what is possible given your family life right now. It might take you longer to meet your dream, but at the same time, you’re also fulfilling a different dream, that of having and enjoying your family.
Study
Now is the time you can take classes. With so many options between online classes like MasterClass, Skillshare, Udemy, or Coursera you can study from home. You’ll be able to learn new skills or strengthen the ones you already have.
There are also in-person options available through night and weekend classes at your local high school, college, town offerings, or even local businesses.
I am truly amazed by what you can learn online or even locally these days. From ballroom dancing to computers to backpacking to quilting. And almost anything or everything in between. Masterclass itself has online classes like acting, directing, singing, tennis, cooking, photography, entrepreneurship, gymnastics, space exploration, and even political campaign strategy.
Mini Trips
If you want to spend time off traveling, then why put it off? Take your kids. Kids are usually very flexible, adapt quickly to new situations, and like to learn new things. Take your parents, too if they are able to travel.
Multi-generational trips allow the grandparents to share their past while also seeing the joy of discovery on their grandchildren’s faces. And, hopefully, they’re willing to do some babysitting to allow you and your spouse to get in some alone time on the trip as well.
You can also take mini-trips to conferences that fit your passion. When my son was younger, we’d take trips together, and then my mother would watch him while I either went to yoga conferences, cross-country ski weekends, or hut-hiking with my girlfriends.
Conferences are great to keep you involved in your passion. As a yoga teacher, they allowed me to gain new skills and learn from experts in their fields. What conferences are available in your field…your passion?
Save For It
Now is a great time to save for that next big adventure, no matter what it is. Planning on buying a vacation home? Looking forward to cruising the world? Backpacking across Europe? Creating your own online business?
What better time than now to start saving for your next adventure? Of course, if you have children, too, you’re also saving for their college. But if you don’t start saving for your own adventures now, when will you start?
Do What You Can. Not What Others Think You Should
This is not about other people. This is about you and your family. Do not let other people make you feel bad if you’re starting small and making time for caring for your children and/or parents. It’s your life, not theirs.
And don’t make excuses. Everyone can carve out a little bit of time somewhere in order to work on their project. Study. Workout. Write. Paint. Knit. Whatever. There is time to do something without interruption. Whether it’s at night or early in the morning or while your child is down for a nap. Take that hour of time and work on what matters to you.
What can you do in an hour to move your dreams forward? How can you change your life? I’d love to hear about what projects you’re working on.
Great tips, Jennifer. I think–in our want-it-get-it-now culture–we forget that there are seasons. We are told by mass media that we deserve it all now! And then it makes us crazy when we can’t have it all now. I try to remember I can’t do it all, well, at the same time. But responsibilities shift over time–and hopefully there will be time for it all. Meanwhile, I’m trying to enjoy the season of kids at home who will still occasionally, while walking in the mall or watching a move, let me hold their hands! This season is fleeting, I know!
Oh my God, YES! Enjoy that season with your boys. That time when they don’t want to hold your hand anymore comes too soon!
I love this post so much! It’s never all-or-nothing. Great ideas about how to get started living the life of your dreams. Shared with my readers on Facebook!
Thank you for sharing this. You’re right, it’s not all or nothing. We don’t have to lose ourselves while taking care of others.
Jennifer, it is so important to be present and recognize that life does have seasons. I’ve lived through a few already and would not have changed a thing. I credit the season of being “Mom” for prompting me to establish values and principles for balanced living. That lifestyle adjustment has served me well into retirement. Thanks for the reminder that we have the power to change our life, even amidst obligations. Visiting from #mlstl
I’m so glad you stopped by. We learn so much during all of our “seasons” which further helps us to define where we are going.
Hi Jennifer – I love how proactive your post is and the advice is spot on. I think we’re all so quick to compare ourselves to people who are on top of their game and forget that they did the prep and hard yards to get there. Everything in life is about time, commitment, passion, and focus – allowing ourselves space for those things is so important. That’s what I’m loving about Midlife – more time to figure out what works for me and then doing it on my own terms and in my own time.
Thanks for linking up with us at MLSTL and I’ve shared on my SM 🙂
Thanks for stopping by, Leanne. Even if we’re taking small steps, we’re moving forward towards our goal. It’s about doing what works for us right now, but not forgetting that we also matter even while we’re taking care of others.
Yes, what a good post. No-one has to wait for the perfect time…because ‘there is no such thing.’ I have tried in the recent years (since cancer and recovery) to have a little bit of what I want, need and more into each day. I get bored pretty easily but also do not want to be ‘busy’ as such because at almost 70 I am enjoying some slowing down. It really gets down to perspective. Denyse #mlstl
Such great advice too. Don’t fill up your time with “busyness” for the sake of busyness. Fill it up with what you really want.
Hi, Jennifer – I needed to read this post today.. It is filled with practical “do right now” advice, and much wisdom. Your message is spot on, and loud and clear. Focus on what you can do right now, not on what you can’t.
Thank you!
I’m glad this post resonated with you. Now it’s time to follow through on it and find those things that you can do to keep your passions alive.
Such great practical tips.
I love how you point out that self-care also has to do with following your passion. Everyone as you point out deserves that and too many of us make excuses for not pursuing our passions. Thank you for sharing these inspiring words.
Thank you for stopping by, Christina. If you’re not following your passion, even just a little, then what kind of example are you setting for your family? Pushing what you love to do aside in order to take care of others means that you’re not being true to yourself and you’re actually depleting yourself and not refilling your well so that you can be 100% for others.
I’ve been stuck at home lately taking care of someone who’s ill so I totally relate to this post. I go on mini-excursions when I can to get out. Sometimes just for a few hours. I went to a local conference last weekend, which was awesome. And, when I’m not obsessed with the news, I am always learning something online.
That’s exactly it. You are still taking care of your family but you’re also taking care of yourself. Even if that means just a couple of hours at a conference or online studying. You, yourself, are actually in your list of things to take care of!
Such a timely piece. I’ve discovered I’m in the sandwich generation — helping my mom, but still have one son at home. I’m learning lately to think of a future that includes taking care of my own needs, not just everyone else’s. It helps make me happy!
That future can be now. Taking care of others doesn’t mean you can’t take care of your own needs at the same time. In fact, it’s even more important now so you don’t get burned out.
I think this is all excellent advice. It’s easy to get frozen in place.
So true, Carol. Sometimes you just get bogged down in the day to day and forget about actually “living” while meeting your obligations.
I love the idea of seasons and I love that song too! We can only do what we can do and make the most of time. I love your suggestions and go-to attitude! I also think you’re right to say we must think of ourselves not what others think we should do. That can be hard but it’s worth the effort! Thanks Jennifer, you always have such interesting ideas 🙂
Thanks for stopping by, Deb. I’m glad you liked the suggestions.