With June coming up quickly, it’s time to look at another chapter in Cheryl Richardson’s The Art of Extreme Self-Care. This month we learn how to create an absolute no list. That list of things we no longer want to do or be responsible for.
Cheryl created this list as an expansion or the next iteration of her Absolute Yes List. That list asked people to think about what needed most of their attention, like family, relationships, etc., and to choose their top priorities in each category. And then, write down those top priority items in each category. For instance, maybe a top priority is always to attend a child’s soccer game. That becomes an absolute yes.
This month, we’re going to think about those things we no longer want to do. Those things that cause you anxiety. Those things that drain your energy. And even those things that steal your time but don’t benefit you. It’s a list of items you no longer want to do because you want to improve the quality of your life.
Some examples of items that might be an Absolute NO include: no longer eating meat, no longer tolerating gossip, no longer checking email several times a day, or no longer letting work steal your time away from children.
Your challenge this month is to create your own Absolute NO list (and we’ll also add in an Absolute YES list.) During the first week, you’ll be looking for those things that you no longer want to do while also separating out those things that are an Absolute YES.
Pay attention to how things make you feel. Do you feel anxious when doing something or feel tension creeping into your neck or shoulders? When that happens, add the item to a running list of No. Sometimes, there are things we still need to do for now because they are work-related or other items that are necessary for now. And we’ll also sort that out during the month.
The best way to use the calendar is to read all the items first. Find out where you might need to make plans in advance, like making appointments. Anywhere you are asked to read or watch something, click on the words to link to the item. Below is the calendar, and here is a link to the June Calendar of Absolute No!
Cheryl also recommends her book Time For Your Life in which she details more about the Absolute YES! list.
No to yardwork. But … yes to gossip!
LOL
This is interesting. Definitely intrigued by the book, too.
I love the book. It’s a year’s worth of extreme self-care and it’s meant to be done one month at a time, not all at once. I’ve been doing a calendar each month to correspond with the chapters.
Thank you Jennifer, I read this book a few years ago, I didn’t remember this, thank you for reconnecting me with her book, time to re-read it.
Hi Jennifer, Pleased to meet you through #MLSTL. Your post resonates with me and likely for many people. I often want to say “no” and yet stay diplomatic and not hurt people’s feelings. I will check out Cheryl’s book. It sounds like it is filled with gems:) sharing SM
Thanks for stopping by, Erica. It is hard to walk that thin line between protecting your time and being able to say no without hurting someone’s feelings. The March calendar of self-care was about learning how to say no, you should check that one out too.
Not come across this book before but will definitely check it out.
It’s an interesting book that is supposed to be followed for a year.
I love this idea, I always say yes to things I should have said no to, then I spend time feeling anxious and worrying about it. I am going to look at the book. Thanks for sharing.
#MLSTL
And that’s the worst part, the anxiety when we say yes to something that we didn’t want to do in the first place. (Please note, that’s different from the anxiety of saying yes to something that scares us!)
An interesting concept. I read recently to shift from “I need to” or “I should” to more choice words – I choose, I prefer, or I want/desire. I guess it is the same with “no” – I choose not to, I prefer not to. I recently choose to take on housework again, instead of using a cleaning service. And it was a choice, so I cannot complain when I clean the bathroom or mop the floor. I’ve chosen to do it!
LOL. I don’t think I’ve ever purposely chosen to do the bathroom—my husband usually takes care of that one. When my son was growing up, one of the first things he learned to clean was the bathroom…although it took me a long time to convince him that taking a shower each day was not automatically cleaning the bathtub.
I actually feel like I’m living my absolute NO life every day atm Jennifer. After giving work the absolute NO, there’s not much in my life I have to push away – it’s all been a case of living pleasantly on my own terms. It probably can’t last, but I do notice I’ve been saying a big NO to potential jobs that have popped up – I refuse to do anything that sucks my soul ever again!
Thanks for linking up with us at MLSTL and I’ve shared on my SM 🙂
You did give a great NO by saying NO to a toxic environment and then continuing to say No to the same kind of situations. It’s great that you’re protecting yourself from falling into that same type of situation.
This was a great read Jennifer and makes me think what I’d say No to for the month. I’ve downloaded the calendar and really appreciate the effort of putting it together! I’ll also think of my absolute yes list – great concept! Shared for #mlstl (pinned on my group board).
I love the idea of an Absolute NO list. I especially like the idea of paying attention to how my body and mind reacts to certain activities and creating the list based on that. Thank you Jennifer!
I have gotten pretty good at this over the years. I know how to say no and have no hesitation about using my ‘no”!