We all make decisions that change our lives each day. Many of our decisions affect our career, sometimes our home, and sometimes our lifestyle. And some look at their spiritual beliefs and take that leap of faith to make a choice to become a nun. It’s a decision that changes everything from who you are to where and how you live. Now that’s a big change. But what happens when you make that change and then decide it isn’t right for you? Today, I want to introduce you to Janet, who made those two very big decisions. Let’s find out why she left the convent to embrace change.
Can you please introduce yourself, tell us what you do, and where you do it?
Hi, I’m Janet Cobb. I am currently a strategy, and fundraising coach to small nonprofits across the United States – helping hundreds of small to medium-sized organizations bring their vision to reality by bringing reality to their vision. I live in Chicago with my husband as a semi-empty-nester because our children (ages 21, 19, and 16) are away at school. I have published a children’s nonfiction book, Raising Butterflies to Set Them Free and a memoir of my years in the convent, Surviving Sanctity. I currently have several works in progress and hope that my next iteration of starting over will be as a full-time writer/author.
Your first career was as a Nun. What drew you to be a Nun when you were 18?
My childhood had been tough. When I was about 7, my father left my mother with 8 children between the ages of 17-4. We were raised on welfare in a government housing project surrounded by drugs, violence, and financial struggle – and the anger and angst that came along with it. After a few years of rebellion and self-destruction, I experienced a conversion that led me to believe that Jesus had the power to help troubled teens make sense of a life that can sometimes feel senseless. I believed that Jesus gave me a sense of comfort and happiness, and wanted to share that with others. Through a series of circumstances, I came to believe that the only way to get that message to as many hurting people as possible – particularly teens – was to offer my life to the service of God.
In my blog, I write a lot about trying new things and people who start over. At 31, you decided to leave the Convent. Are you willing to share how you came to that decision? And what, if anything, do you miss about living in the Convent?
The truth is that how and why I came to the decision to leave the Convent in 1994 and how I understand the underlying issues after years of therapy are quite different. I spent just about 13 years in the convent. Someone once asked me when I knew I needed to leave – to which I somewhat facetiously answered, “About 5 days in.” In reality, I both loved my life and struggled constantly to ‘save’ my vocation. Some might say I was a square peg in a round hole because I’d never really fit the ‘profile,’ but I gave my entire heart and soul to that community and my power of choice over to the women who represented the voice of God for me.
As the years passed and my understanding of myself, the church, and the world expanded – my courage to stand up for myself and what I believed grew. And we grew apart. I thought I was leaving a community that was keeping me from living the gospel in the Franciscan spirit, and I intended to transfer to another one – so I took a year off (exclaustration) to explore another community. During the course of that year, I experienced gut-wrenching, heart-twisting grief at the loss of everything I knew and believed about myself and those I trusted – including meeting my father and learning about the 20+ years he’d spent building a new family after leaving ours. About six months into the year, I knew I needed to let it all go, and on my 31st birthday, I requested a dispensation of vows and started over.
Within a few short years, you were married and had two children. Was there any adjustment you needed to make going from life in a quiet Convent to a noisy household of children?
Absolutely! While the Convent was not a cloister, we certainly had regularly scheduled meditation, prayer, meals, etc. I enjoyed a monthly day of silent reflection and an annual 7-day retreat. I even had the privilege of completing a 30-Day Silent Retreat! I left that lifestyle in April 1994 and lived on my own until February 1996 – when I married, had child one in 1997, child two in 1998, and child three in 2002. In the hectic realities of bath time and bedtime, cooking, cleaning, and laundry, I was able to find fleeting moments of inner quiet because I carried much of what I learned about the practice of the presence of God and reflective living into my mothering – and it kept me sane. But the two lifestyles could not be more different – in the convent with a vow of poverty, I never needed to worry about having a roof over my head and food on the table. The irony! The toughest part was probably needing to be the one who had to make so many decisions – even the littlest things. That said, I loved everything about a noisy household of children!
In 2000, you and your husband quit your jobs to move across the country. Why this change, and how did you plan for it?
In April 2000, my doctor wanted to prescribe an antibiotic to address an infection but because I was still nursing our second child, I refused. She gave me three days to ‘turn around,’ after which she would put me in a hospital. On day two, I began improving, but on day three, we were involved in a minor fender-bender. No one was seriously hurt, but the children were quite frightened. That evening, my husband, whom I had promised we would never need to move to California, suggested that perhaps we needed my mother’s support with the children. We were already struggling to survive on my husband’s Catholic school teacher salary and we realized that if anything were to happen, we had no support mechanisms in place in Chicago. That night I searched the internet for homes and employment opportunities in California. By July, I had a job lined up, and my sister had found us a home – we sold our condo, boarded a plane, and started over.
And then in 2007, you reversed course and moved back to Chicago. How was this move different?
Now with three kids – aged 10, 9, and 5 – my husband and I had been working at the same high school for seven years. In Spring 2007, they made some decisions that we believed were unethical – first towards several other teachers and then, more hurtfully, to each of us. Although some friends encouraged us to fight the decisions – and even sue – we knew we could not stay. Rather than look for other jobs in California, which my husband didn’t particularly care for anyway, we decided – on Memorial Day – to return to Chicago. In June, we put our house on the market, and without jobs or a home lined up, we returned to Chicago, staying with old friends until we found a home and jobs. We traveled armed only with the confidence of our convictions that the best move for ourselves and our children was to start over.
In addition to all the changes you previously went through, you recently started working for yourself. Will you share with us why you made this decision and what steps you may have taken to prepare for this transition?
We returned to Chicago in 2007, just as the Great Recession took hold. While we were fortunate to find jobs and home before the summer ended, by 2010, my husband had lost his job. As he searched for work, he took the opportunity to obtain his Master’s and, unfortunately, remained unemployed until 2013. I sought and secured an administrative job in 2010, something I swore I never wanted, to make up for our income loss. Over the next five years, in 2012, 2013, and 2015 – (a story much too long to share here) – I also experienced unemployment.
In what is best described as an implosion of my career, with each round of unemployment, I began to consider how I might work for myself. As someone who generates ideas at top speed, I had numerous business ideas but no real resources. I attended every free workshop and webinar, and course about starting a business, social enterprise, and nonprofit. I immersed myself in the possibilities of how I might turn my passions into a business. But each time, reality struck, and I took another ‘job’. Until 2015, when I finally realized that I could never again work for a church institution – and preferably never have another employer. I needed to be my own boss. I immediately shifted my thinking from ‘finding a job’ to ‘creating revenue streams’. And as I pursued a few business ideas, I quickly realized that while I didn’t want an employer, I also never wanted my success to be dependent on the work ethic of another person. I could neither be an employee nor an employer. I had set up a website and taken one-off jobs as an education and fundraising consultant for years, but now I somehow needed to replace my annual income.
I scoured the internet for freelance platforms in any industry in which I was qualified to work: teaching cooking, tutoring, fundraising, yard work, woodwork, house cleaning, uber driving, etc. I calculated how much I would need to make each day to keep our bills paid and food on the table. And I pieced together as much as I could at every minute.
Three years in, I am making more than I’d ever made with a job, am able to set my own schedule and work from anywhere, and absolutely love what I do! I’ve narrowed my ‘revenue streams’ to a primary focus as a strategy and fundraising coach to small nonprofits, but continue to offer tutoring and editing services a bit on the side to supplement months when my client load is lighter than usual.
Looking back to when you went through any of these changes, is there anything that you wish you’d done differently or anything that you felt wasn’t working out and you dropped or changed along the way?
I’ve already shared some of the pivots I made when things weren’t working professionally, but if I reflect on what I wish I’d have done differently, I would say that I would not have allowed my job to steal as much time and energy from my family as I did. At the time, I thought it was my only choice, but my mental and physical health suffered – which impacted our home life. Thankfully, my children are resilient, and they seem none the worse for wear today.
Did you get any advice or help from others while embarking on your new career? What is the best advice or assistance that you got along the way?
In addition to the workshops, webinars, and courses I took, I mostly sought advice from folks on raising funds for a startup. Nothing significant came from those conversations, particularly because by the end of 2015, I’d realized I needed to go the solo route. I felt like I’d been caught in a version of Groundhog Day where I kept repeating the same mistakes and getting burned. Because my three rounds of unemployment and my career shift resulted from an unplanned implosion, I was embarrassed, depressed, anxious, and devastated.
And to go along with that question, what advice do you have for someone looking to make a career change or even multiple career changes in their life?
My advice is to frame your experiences as the difference you’ve made in your positions rather than the duties and responsibilities you’ve had, because the difference you made speaks to your character and the value you bring to any new project. The more you’ve done, the more options you have for transitioning into something new. Don’t be afraid to try new positions.
If you face an unplanned career transition, my advice is to begin by thinking about ‘revenue streams’ and all the different methods you might have for making money. Brainstorm everything possible and pick a handful to begin with. By diversifying, you can test what gives you energy and makes you feel alive, see how others respond to the gifts (products and services) you offer, and gain traction in one or another area to truly grow into your business model.
My advice on a more personal front is to not be afraid to step out of a situation that is causing you emotional or physical harm. Each day you have a choice to stay or leave – a job, a relationship or friendship, a city – or even a country. I’m not saying it will be easy. But if something is gnawing at you, don’t ignore it. Others may never understand but sometimes we must choose – for our integrity, sanity, and well-being, to start over.
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Talk about big changes. Going into a convent and then coming out of the convent. Getting married, having children. Moving across the country and then moving back. Starting and losing jobs and then finally starting her own business. And through it all, Janet shows that you can adapt, that you can change, and that you can find a new and better path. Below are links to Janet’s social media as well as a link to her Amazon Author page.
Wow! I think this was my favourite post in your series so far Jennifer! I’ve “met” Janet and her blog over the last few months and had no idea of the amazing life changes that had gone on in the background. What an inspirational life to have lived through so many upheavals and yet still be so positive and vibrant! I feel quite drab and boring in comparison (lucky I’m learning not to compare any more!) This was a great read – thanks to both of you x
I’m glad you liked the interview. Janet is certainly an amazing woman. All the change and all of the decisions she had to make are mind boggling to me. And she came out on the other side a stronger woman each time.
Jennifer,
Thank you for sharing my story and for your supportive words. I hope that my story helps others who might be in the midst of a transition to know they too will be stronger on the other side.
Janet
Thank you for agreeing to participate. I also hope that someone is encouraged by your story.
Hi Jennifer – thanks for linking your post up with us at #MLSTL because I think it will be really enjoyed by the other bloggers who join us. I’ve also shared this on my SM xx
Leanne | http://www.crestingthehill.com.au
Thanks for stopping by Leanne and thanks for hosting #MLSTL. I find a lot of new bloggers to read.
Leanne,
Thanks for your encouraging response. Answer the questions for this post left me feeling quite vulnerable and uncertain if my story would resonate with others. You say your life is ‘drab and boring in comparison’ – but I know from the insight and wisdom you share on your blog that this can’t be the case. You are changing lives more than you might realize!
Take care,
Janet
Janet, I’m so glad you kept writing because your story does resonate with people. Going through changes, making difficult decisions, having to start over again no matter what the circumstances are universal concerns. Your story resonates because you had the courage to make difficult decisions. I do these interviews so that readers will be encouraged and inspired by reading stories like yours.
This is what gives me faith!!
Thank you for sharing
~B
Beaton — keep the faith! Trust your gut!
Great write up, never be afraid for a change. Am a beginner blogger i really want to know about the amazing blog ads. I would leave my email should you chose to educate me. Thank you
Thanks for stopping by Olayiwola. I’ll message you regarding ads.
Thanks for stopping in — we must all never be afraid to change! Good luck with your blog.
What a fabulous and inspirational interview! Such life changes and managed with such grace.
Dorothy – I’m glad you found the interview inspirational. I hope I managed them with grace…
Janet
Thanks, Dorothy! I agree that Janet’s story is inspirational.
Really interesting life story. Enjoyed this Jennifer!
Thanks for stopping by, I’m glad you liked this interview.
Thanks for reading Fancy. I’m glad you enjoyed the read.
This is very timely for me right now, thank you for the motivation Jennifer and Janet!
You do have some (more) big changes coming up. I’m glad Janet’s sorry motivates you.
Shannon,
I’m glad you found some tidbits of encouragement and motivation in my story. Keep on keepin’ on….
Life is a process of becoming. We evolve, and in doing so we grow. Fascinating read.
Yes — long ago someone encouraged me to never change for someone else but to always be open to growing. I’ve tried to look at life that way…
I have been so busy with my own life and writing that I forget how much inspiration and how many wise womenfolk are out there. Thanks Jennifer and Janet!
Thanks for stopping by. I’m glad you were inspired by Janet’s interview.
Nancy – thank you. I’m glad you found inspiration in my story.
Hello Janet & Jennifer! What an interesting life and so many learnings not just for yourself but all of us. What resonated with me Janet was that even though you took a path which at the time felt right (for about 5 days :)), you stuck at it and tried and then weren’t afraid to change direction. Life is never a straight path is it? However, many get into a situation where they feel trapped and can’t get out. You have such an inspiring story and thank you Jennifer for enabling me to get to know Janet. Have a beautiful week, ladies and thank you. 🙂 Thanks Jen for linking up and sharing at #MLSTL
Sue from Sizzling Towards 60 & Beyond
Sue – you are absolutely right, life is never a straight line! I just hope my story has something to offer those who might feel stuck.
Hello, Janet, I think you give courage to those who are stuck in a job and feel like they can’t get out. You have done so willingly and unwillingly many times and it seems as if you have landed on your feet each time. There is always something else, and sometimes it just takes time to find it!
Yes– we need to trust the process that comes with unexpected change. I hope that my story can offer some courage to those feeling stuck. Thanks for stopping in and sharing your thoughts.
Wow. What a story and so much is shared & that really shows just how much life can take twists and turns. Thank you so much for telling YOUR story. I will now follow both of your blogs. Found from #mlstl Denyse
Thank you for stopping by and reading Denyse. You are right when you say what a story, she really is an inspiration to anyone who is contemplating how to make a change.
Denyse,
Thanks so much for your thoughts. Indeed, life can take twists and turns if we are open to the change. I am just getting started in the blogging world and trying to play catch up on following others. I look forward to following you – Thanks for following!
Hi Jennifer and Janet,
Jennifer, thanks for sharing these portions of Janet’s story.
Janet, as you know I was aware of some of this, but still learned all sorts of new things about you by reading this post. What I most know about you is that you define the term ‘resilience’ which makes you a wonderful mentor and not just to your clients.
Karen – I’d have to agree ‘resilience’ is a word that could describe me — but I think it can be said about many. We all have events in our lives that make us stronger and in a position to help others.
Karen – ‘resilience’ would not be a new word for me, for sure. I think many folks are more resilient than they give themselves credit for. Thanks for the supportive words.
Jennifer and Janet ~ I went into reading your post because there was a large number of classmates in my graduating class from high school who became nuns. A number then left and I’ve always wondered how life was going for them. As I read on, I related so much to my own journey and changes in my own life. In looking back, for each of us, we can see the strengths and growth that each one of us went through because of those changes. That’s why I wrote my own story. Thanks so much for sharing this. I’ll be sharing on my social media for #MLSTL
http://www.meinthemiddlewrites.com
Thanks for stopping by Mary Lou. I never knew anyone who became a nun although I worked with several when I was younger. But I did go to school with someone who became a Priest. His younger sister had been killed in a school bus accident and I wondered if that hadn’t happened would he have made the same choice.
Mary Lou – thanks for sharing your thoughts. I know so many women who have stories to share but don’t always have the courage. So good to hear that you’ve shared your story. I’m going to check it out for sure.
What an interesting post. I am not sure I could have bounced back so many times but good for you Janet. You hardly ever hear of women becoming nuns now nowadays. Back 50 or 60 years ago that option always seemed to be on the table. One of my neighbors became a nun when she was in her late 30’s and I often wonder how she is doing.
Victoria – thanks for joining the conversation – bouncing back can be tough. I think the number of women becoming nuns has certainly shrunk over the years but we are still hiding in the shadows…I hope your neighbor has found her peace.
I really enjoyed learning about Janet – and I look forward to following her blog.
My husband’s aunt was in the convent for a number of years before leaving in the 1980s. I believe her circumstances were due to health issues and not receiving adequate care.
I admire her life story and do hope Janet can become a full-time author in the next chapter of life.
Thanks for visiting Molly. The best part of these interviews is getting to know a fellow blogger better. And Janet certainly has a lot to admire!
Janet sounds like such a strong and accomplished woman despite her challenging upbringing. It’s amazing how people can overcome adversity and go on to success. Great interview.
Thanks, Rebecca. The reason why I started these interviews is that very reason. To show people it is possible to go through change and be even stronger on the other side.
Rebecca, my apologies for not responding sooner — I must have missed the notification of your comment. Thanks for your kind and supportive thoughts — delighted you appreciated the interview.