After a failed marriage and a miserable divorce that took two years to finalize, I wasn’t ready to jump back into the dating pool right away. Instead, I concentrated on paying off the debt of a failed marriage, then becoming a yoga teacher attending conferences and going on retreats. It wasn’t until a few years later that I really looked up and decided that I wanted a someone in my life who was more than just a friend. But when I was ready, I’d forgotten how to do it. I considered online dating and found out that yes, it’s possible to meet the love of your life online.
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I utilized eHarmony for my online dating. I tried a couple of others, but there was this trolling mentality with them and I wasn’t looking for a quick hook-up. Instead, I was looking for someone that I could have a relationship with. Here are some lessons I learned that should help you step into the online dating world.
Be Real
This is not a post about how to set up your profile. But I will say, be truthful by using recent, honest pictures of yourself and allow your quirkiness to show through in your profile. Don’t write what you think other people will want to hear, you want to find someone who is looking for the REAL you, not a pretend version of yourself. Pretending to be someone you’re not isn’t a good foundation for a lasting relationship, but totally works if game-playing is part of your requirements.
Be Picky
I was picky for a reason. I had no desire to find anyone who had the same traits or hobbies of my ex-husband. Having been around him and the people that he hung out with long enough, I specifically deleted or passed on certain people. Out went anyone that had guns, hunting or NASCAR in their profile. It was automatic, I wouldn’t even bother reading the rest of the profile. It didn’t mean that if they liked any of those things it was a no-go. But if it’s important enough to be in their profile then it figures too much in their life. It didn’t matter what else was there as I was not compromising on this. I was looking for someone who was interested in health, who was creative, who exhibited some humor and creativity in his profile. And someone who never, ever asked me if I was flexible enough to put my legs behind my head. Yes, that was from one of the other dating sites. I passed on that gem, it shouldn’t be the opening line to a yoga teacher, but something to be found out later. 😉
Take Your Time
Online dating took time too, although I’ve heard of some people who signed up during free weekends and just quickly went through profiles until they found their date. All done in one weekend. Not me. It took a year. I went on numerous first dates and a few seconds and more dates. Along the way, I learned that I wasn’t just looking for someone who was creative, but creative with their act together. Out went the pianist who was pretending to be separated (strangely enough, he was actually single, not married.) And out went the sculptor who, on our first date, asked how much I weighed.
Be Open to the Possibilities
When my future husband was presented to me by eHarmony, I almost passed on him. Why? Because he was a Chef and not just any chef. He trained at the Culinary Institute of America, one of the most prestigious cooking schools in the U.S. It’s also the school that my father attended. Since my divorce, I had spent a couple of years losing over 50 pounds and becoming physically active with yoga and hiking. And now I was looking at the picture of a chef and my first reaction was “He’s the one.” It scared me that of all the potential matches, he was the only one that I had that thought with. And even scarier, it was the man who could cook for me. I thought that I would gain back all the weight I lost, so I ignored him, but I didn’t close him out. After a week of rereading his profile and looking at his picture, I finally decided to reach out to him. Eight years later, we’re still together and he is still cooking for me.
Trying new things, like online dating, isn’t reserved for just the young. It’s a great opportunity no matter your age. How did you meet the love of your life? And if you haven’t tried online dating yet, I suggest you give it a try. It worked for me.
What a nice story!
Thanks Lori!
I love hearing about people finding love again – to get through an ugly divorce and get your act together and then be ready to find love again is so brave. Good on you for stepping out and I’m so glad you found a lovely man x
I really did find a lovely man. 🙂
Love your story and it resonates with me so much because I met my husband online too. Almost 10 years later, I’m so glad I signed up for that site against advice from others.
I just read your story today, loved that you followed what you felt in your heart!
I’m in love with love. I think it’s wonderful how you went about finding love again. Go with your heart! It always knows. Wonderful post, Jennifer.
Love this! You remind me that the heart knows sometimes better than the brain which way to go.
Aww, Jennifer, I love this story! I met my husband on Facebook in 2009. We had known each other from high school 500 miles away. We were both divorced and available. Now we’re married as of 2013. So nice to hear these stories!
Love this post! I have been trying to convince my friend to try online dating. I have been to multiple weddings lately of great friends who met the love of their lives online. My husband and I met while we were both working temporarily for the census – he trained me on the computer system! And your “non-negotiable” items sound very similar to what I would choose. Thanks for sharing!
I Love this post! I always met my amazing boyfriend online and highly recommend it! Every date wasn’t always a winner but that’s OK, you only need one truly amazing date to know.
Lauren B.
http://www.rosesandrainboots.com
I met Miss Madison online :), it took a year of rejection and weeding out the crazies, but I’m glad I did!
Thanks for this post and your honest. I, like you focused on my business after my divorce and just being a good mum. I know that I do not want to go down the route that so many people think I should (getting out more and by that they mean going to bars). I like the idea of online dating and have particularly thought of eHarmony, so it was nice that you specifically mentioned them.
Met mine on OkCupid! 🙂 I’d been doing the online dating thing for over THREE YEARS before I finally found “the one.”
I don’t know how I would face dating if I lost my husband and probably wouldn’t. However, your advice to those who are alone and wanting to find love is very practical. I think as you say it is in the attitude – you nearly passed on your husband but aren’t you glad you were brave and took the step!
Yes. So glad I decided to connect with him. And I think having a plan is the best way to go about it. I knew what I didn’t want and I had to stay true to that plan..